6 months ago I wrote this new years journal entry. At the time of the posting I had five what seemed like very large reasons why my life was terrible. As of today, I can only recall two of those reasons. Of those two reasons, one of those reasons has had a recent change for the better. A change happened that I never thought would happen. I need to remind myself that I must remain positive that this change will stay in the positive direction. The second of the “terrible” things still exists and still hurts my heart. Fortunately it has gotten to a place where I am not reminded of the pain on a daily basis.
The only demons I am currently facing are my own.
As far as what I planned to do in 2012, I have sort of been off track or changed my course on some of those plans.
“I hope to make 2012 a year where I foster better relationships with my husband, family, and friends.”I still recognize this as an issue. I find it hard to pick up the phone to call a friend, mostly because I feel like I have nothing to say. A good friend of mine recently told me (not to hurt me by any means) that I am the type friend that she needs to reach out to in order to stay in touch and she was fine with it. It made me realize that I am incredibly luckily that I have friends such as these that put up with my shenanigans. I think of how much I am missing out on because I don’t reach out to people anymore. This is something I still need to work on.
I will cut people out of my life who choose to bring me down rather than lift me up.I have changed direction on this item. I am now leaning toward repair rather than quitting. I don’t know if I will be fighting a lost cause but I would like to see where I can go with this. Perhaps a relationship that has evolved in nature?
In 2012 I will continue to exercise.I finished my first half-marathon this year. Then I took a running break. I am now back at it again training for another half-marathon – this time faster I hope. I continue to play volleyball once a week and I am biking much more lately. I love what biking is doing for my arms.
In 2012 I will be more compassionate; but only in such a way where my energy is not being sucked dry.I made no progress on this one until recently. I have a person I see almost every day who is a constant challenge for me. This person frequently harasses me, spreads rumors about me, and is overall someone who gives me the heebie-jeebies every time I have to talk to them. This person also has a terrible personal life that is full of strife and a lot of self-inflicted anxiety related issues. Upon some advice from others, I have decided to just hear this person out when they speak to me instead of immediately dismissing them (so I can rid of them). I have listened to them many times in the last few weeks and while the person hasn’t necessarily become any less annoying to me, this person seems to have halted all the bad speak about me behind my back. Additionally the person is becoming less and less confrontational with me. I am coming to the conclusion that many of the problems from this person comes from the fact that they feel like I do not see their worth and they are seeking my approval. By acknowledging this person’s thoughts and ideas, I am giving them the needed validation so they can stop being obsessed with me.
Next up is the update on My Happiness Project.