Random thoughts about weight loss

This post is a little off topic but it is the only forum I have to express the frustrations I have had with weight loss throughout my life. For about the tenth time in my life I am attempting weight loss once again. It started as a child. The first few years of my life I was a healthy weight for my body. Around the year of 1985 at the tender age of 10, I spent a summer eating in Ohio. I ate my grandma’s home cooking, I ate 3 of those fresh glazed doughnuts from the local bakery (daily), I ate my grandpa’s stash of candy bars, and I drank a lot of Pepsi. I gained around 10 lbs that summer. To adult it doesn’t seem insurmountable, but to a child, it is a life changer. I came back to school the next year faced with day in and day out of pure mental torture. Guys I had been friends with for years were ridiculing me. They sang songs about me. I went home crying most days of the week. The next couple of years I was able to shed some weight. Some in part due to a growth spurt, some because I switched from regular to diet soda (at age 12!), and some just because I had a little spark of motivation to lose weight so I would stop getting ridiculed. It took a few more years before I was actually at an ideal weight but I at least felt sort of normal for a while (I don’t know too many teenage girls that don’t have body issues). The summer of 1992 I got a job working at a theme park at an attraction. I spent long hours walking back and forth in the heat, and jumping on and off race cars. Occasionally I would have to run down the track to start a car that had stalled. I ate very little. That summer I dropped 15 lbs. I met so many new people, I felt like I was in the best shape of my life. The next couple of years I was able to sort of sustain a normal weight on and off. I did gain some weight (freshman 15) but I was able to shed it as easy as I gained it. I finished college and started my first job. My lifestyle consisted of working, partying, and eating. I joined a gym but still the weight slowly came back on. I dealt with adult ridicule at this point. I remember a situation where my ex-boyfriend (who I was for some reason still friends with at the time) tells me that his new love interest referred to me as the “fat one over there”. Another situation where a guy who I guess was trying to hit on me calls me “thick” when I don’t return his advances. I was angry. I escaped a negative environment and moved back to my hometown. There I find temporary weight loss, a new job, new friends, and a new life. I felt good about my body again. The partying and eating once again takes a toll on my body and the weight comes back on. And the story repeats a few more times. I have used weight watchers, south beach diet, personal trainers, 5k training….but it all ends in the same – the weight comes off, then back on again. Then I meet my life mate and introduce him to my world of always trying to lose that extra weight. He is supportive but gets frustrated at my seemingly desire to not be healthy. We work through it. I decide to seek hypnotic weight loss therapy. I decide it is crap and only attend two sessions. Then something happens, 15 lbs mysteriously disappears. Is it the hypnosis? Who knows? We get married and the honeymoon begins. I eat like I am on vacation, for two years. Working out happens in spurts. The weight comes back on. I am now my heaviest ever. So the journey begins once again. What can I do to make it different this time? How can I make it “stick”. I started hypnosis again. I have been going twice a month. It seems to have helped me with many of daily struggles I have with food. I am able to associate doughnuts with dog shit in my mind so I don’t desire them. I still struggle with social eating and drinking. Sometimes I can portion control, other times I cannot. 3 beers in an evening still has not turned into 1 beer like it should be on a weight loss plan. There are still things to work on. Workouts have slowly been increasing in number and intensity (with occasional “bad days” where I skip) and I am no longer gaining weight. But I am not losing weight either (except from the miraculous two pound loss in the past two weeks). I think some more honesty is needed with how much I am actually eating. I have been working on journaling everything; the good and the bad. Journaling gives me a realistic picture of if I really am putting the work in. Workouts definitely can be stepped up a notch. I might try running again. It sucks but I think it is an good way to burn lots of calories. Finally, the beer will have to be set aside for a while. It will be painful, but no weight loss is going to happen when beers sabotage it with their empty calories.
Skinny Kid Days

From Photo Challenge

“Fat” Leala

From Photo Challenge

Working the weight off

From Photo Challenge

After 15 lb weight loss

From Photo Challenge

Adult Weight Gain

From Photo Challenge

The Last weight loss, for my 2009 wedding.

From Photo Challenge

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