Day 2 Surf Retreat

Today’s surf lesson went much better. I had almost the whole beach to myself. It probably isn’t a great beach for experienced surfers but the waves were just the right size and the ocean bottom is sand so I am not worried about slicing my foot as all the others have done. Where the waves break is shallow so I do land on my knee and twist my ankle but nothing major to report, but ask me tomorrow.

This beach is also cleaner, missing all the trash that existed on the beach yesterday. I am not worried about stepping on a syringe; yes I saw a syringe on the beach yesterday.

I got enough rest and also proactively took pain medicine so I am not uncomfortably sore. I also feel stronger so I have more confidence. Dadi, my instructor, is very patient with me. He found me all the easy waves. I surfed but only for seconds. I did many tries of trying to get up and then falling. I don’t have the balance yet. I am happier more than ever that I scheduled a full week here, even happier that I have a weekend in between my session. After our lesson he showed me some sea turtles that were being protected nearby.

Some retreat signs that tell us the plan each day

When I arrived back at the retreat they were cleaning my room so I took the first dip in the pool. It is nice. I really want a shower but it will do as a temporary substitute. I shower and return to the common area for a very nice lunch. The satay and sauce is amazing, I am happy to have some veggies too. I haven’t been eating too many of those lately.

After lunch I take a siesta of sorts. Web surfing is ok but streaming isn’t good so I give up trying to sneak in a tv show. Soon enough it is time for Yin Yoga, the one I’ve been waiting for. It’s different from the yin yoga Ive done in the past but the concept is the same. Hold deep poses/stretches for 3-5 minutes. At kitten comes up to me at some point to head butt me into the correct form. I notice a finger is strained. I don’t remember injuring it so it must be from overuse holding onto the board today. I am hoping it will be better by tomorrow.

After yoga a group of us rush out for dinner reservations in Canggu. We run a couple errands first but realize the restaurant is further than we thought. The roads are congested with bikes and cars and there are almost zero sidewalks. It is a very scary walk to the restaurant. We are all sweating and relieved when we finally arrive at the place. Grab on the way back is definitely in order. No way we are chilling in town tonight.

I order a nice bowl of hand made noodles with chicken. It’s good and the first dinner I’ve had in two days. There are no restaurants in close walking distance to our place and I’ve been too lazy to take a car or order in so I’ve been sort of fasting in the evening. I like having dinner tonight though.

Tomorrow I head out early for a snorkeling adventure. Wish me luck that the weather is good. It really is the luck of the draw lately.

Back to Bali

I am heading to Bali. My arrival is uneventful and I have a car coming to pick me up. No one asks me for proof of vaccination. The world is healed I guess.

My plans for Lombok and the Gillis didn’t work out as planned so I at the last minute I joined a surf and yoga retreat for 8 days in Canggu (pronounced Chawn-gu not can-ju like I keep erroneously saying). I had tried surfing once before in Bali but the way things worked out I only had one real day of surfing and that was not enough. This time I am staying longer where I get 5 days of surfing lessons. Hopefully by the end I’ll be an official surfer right?

The retreat I am at was on my radar years ago when I came to Bali. I didn’t choose it because the fine print of the retreat has some wording about warning if you can’t keep up with the group or something about holding back others from their lessons. I felt like I wasn’t strong enough and I didn’t want to be a burden so I picked another retreat. This time around I am older, in worse shape, and the wording is still there. The difference is I don’t care anymore. I am going to pay my money and try anyway. I still sort of care what people think about me but maybe not as much as I did before.

This trip is for multiple reasons: to work on bucket list travel, get travel out of my system before returning to work, get out of my comfort zone, and heal. Today I had the feeling of being trapped. That is a scary sensation for me. Most of my life I have felt trapped in one way or another: rocky childhood, trapped by my emotions, trapped by family, trapped by marriage, and trapped by work. For probably the first time in my entire life I don’t feel trapped the majority of the time. In the past it may have been valid but now when it comes it is an irrational fear. Today I arrive at my retreat that I hastily booked and I feel trapped. I am far from town and I feel a little trapped at my location, not unlike my experience at my Silent Retreat a couple years ago (Note: I signed up for the Silent retreat again so there will be an update on how that goes).

Anyway it is just anxiety and the fear of the unknown. I am starting surf lessons again tomorrow. I tried once before and I could have done better. Now I am three years older and less in shape so there is a ton of anxiety around the activity. No sense in worrying about it before there is anything to worry about.

Tomorrow I wake up for breakfast at 6:30 for surf lesson at 7. I have a massage booked at 10:45 (part of my package), lunch at 12 and yoga at 4 (also part of my package). I may head into town for dinner. They run one nightly shuttle at 5:45 on weekdays. Unfortunately it is too far to walk to town otherwise I would use that option instead.

Surf lesson 1

5 of us head out to the beach for our surf lessons varying by skill level. Jack Johnson plays while the windows are down. Jack Johnson must be universal surfer music . I am nervous since this is only my second time trying (first time). I have no idea why I never tried surfing when I was younger. Today wasn’t much better than my first attempt. I bail out of the lesson a little early. I didn’t want to kill my shoulders on the first day when I have 4 more days to try. I am pretty good at riding a wave on my knees though. Just need to learn to stand and balance. Today’s lesson started late due to high tide. Luckily I still get back in time for my massage. I think I am going to need it. At this rate I am not going into town tonight. I think snack and early bed time is in order.

They were filming the group today since they’ve had a few days of practice. My footage is some knee surfing and falling off my board.

Today I am reminded about what I miss now that I no longer stay in hostels. Just to catch you up I am old as can be now, I need good sleep on a regular basis so sharing a room is no longer an option. I need my downtime, I need my alone time. I typically stay in boutique hotels, budget hotels, or any other unique lodging. On a rare occasion I can find a hostel with private rooms I will book it but they tend to be moldy and my sinuses can only handle so much of that. Here at the retreat where I am staying there are good number of women; I guess all lacking the social anxiety that I have so I am meeting lots of nice people. Everyone seems much younger than I but very nice. I’m going to hold off for now telling everyone how old I actually am because at some point do I become the weird old woman? I can’t help that I tend to get involved in activities that young people like to do like this surf retreat. Anyway I’ve already been invited for some weekend snorkeling since we have the weekend off of planned activities. I am hesitant to go but I have to remember there are so many things I don’t do because I’m solo. I should take every opportunity I can to do things with others.

Yoga went better than anticipated. Yes there is lots of sweating and moves I flat out can’t do but that’s normal for me. A good portion of it I could do good enough. I guess I have some muscle memory with yoga. Today is supposed to be the “hard” yoga day. I am glad I got that out of the way.

Tomorrow it looks like I get a solo surf lesson. They are taking me to an easier place. The current and waves are strong where we are today so it takes a good amount of power just to stay out on the water. I am happy that they are chill about my skill level. At the end of all this I may find that surfing is not my thing but I have to give it a try.

Bali Silent Retreat Day 3

The wasps want in their room. I’ve been keeping the door to my room closed and I can tell they are annoyed.

I again miss the first gong and wake to people stirring. It doesn’t matter though since I’m skipping morning meditation today since I want to attend the afternoon session instead. I do attend yoga and there is a different instructor that I find more challenging. Even some of her “easy” poses I struggle with. I feel defeated when she performs a stand up from sitting move that the whole class can do except for me. The move is supposed to be a sign of good health. It makes me poo all the progress I’ve made. I still feel fat, I still feel ill. Not much seemed to change over these months. I’m losing my patience. Will I always be this mess of a person? She does say one thing that resonates: “breathe through the discomfort”… so for now I just keep breathing.

After yoga it is breakfast and then a trip to the hot springs. It is early and there are not many people at the springs. I start at the rocks at the river below and I find it really hard to navigate the rocks to get to the springs in the perfect spot. However once I get to my spot it is worth it. If feels good on a tired body to have cold water rush over you. It is futile to try to move to a better spot because no new spots will compare to the perfectness of the spot I just left. I finally take some time to be in the moment and enjoy it. After a little while I decide it’s time to try the hot pools. I didn’t love any of them. All felt dirty. There is a regular pool the top with some running water that I used for water meditation . “I deserve love. I deserve love.” was my mantra. I gave myself meditation love hugs. It is tough to believe I deserve love after feeling unloved for so long. Is this how it all works?

Return to retreat

I am back at the retreat after a nice few hours at the springs. In the afternoon I attend meditation that is a guided meditation that takes you through the 7 chakras. I did pretty well during this meditation except for there are two chakra colors that I struggled with and I believe those were the orange and green corresponding to the lower abdomen and heart respectively. When I read about why those are blocked it kind of makes sense the way my life has been the last 5 years (heck maybe last 10 years). I still have work to do when I get home.

I do doze off during some silent moments but wake myself up before the snoring gets bad.

After meditation I finish exploring the retreat and spend some time at the medicinal garden. I love gardens.

I also observe other areas on site.

I also visit the water meditation area.

One more peaceful night then I am off to my next adventure.

Bali Silent Retreat Day 2

We are given a warning gong in the morning to wake up and another to signify the start of meditation in the morning.

It is my first morning at the retreat and I missed the first gong – I must’ve slept through it. I hear the neighbors stirring and I don’t have much time until the second round goes off. I contemplate skipping meditation because it is 40 minutes long and I really don’t know what I’m doing but I go anyway. I never got around to buying yoga pants during my travels and show up in my PJ shorts and T-shirts. My attire seems to work out ok. Meditation is challenging since it has been a long while since I have last attempted meditating. During the class I sit there and pretty much do my own thing and I guess that is fine.

Next is yoga right after the meditation. I think about skipping out on that too but I stuck around. Luckily all the poses I have done before for the most part (Sun salutations, warrior poses). However I am out of shape so the poses are challenging enough. I sweat like a pig. There are no fans and no AC so it’s not the greatest for me. I run back to my room and shower before breakfast.

Breakfast is amazing especially the sourdough bread they provide every day however there is no coffee. How did I not notice that there would be no coffee or caffeine for three days? I’m going to die. I start looking at maps to see if there are any local coffee shops. It appears that there is nothing nearby. There is an optional temple tour coming up today so I table the issue. Maybe I’ll find Coffee near the temple. Except during our temple outing I left my money in the locker in the ashram🙁. It doesn’t matter since there was no where to buy coffee anyway.

We go to a temple where we see them prepare offerings. So much work goes into making little baskets and such.

Batu Karu temple

Temples

I come back from the temple tour and eat all the delicious lunch. I wish I would have taken a picture of the spread but I respected their wishes and kept my phone out of the kitchen.

The rest the afternoon is spent wandering the retreat, resting, writing in the journal and reading.

I read some more in the lodge until it darkens. I walk back to my room and prepare for bed. I hear some noises from around: talking in the distance, kids playing, birds, bugs, and some evil geckos. The water usage from the rooms around me seem to echo loudly in mine but I try to pay it no mind. I fall asleep soon enough.

Bali Silent Retreat Day 1

I am still fighting the cold I acquired in Cambodia but it seems to getting slightly better. A car is arriving at my hotel to drive me to my yoga silent retreat at Bali Silent Retreat. I am spending the next three nights in silence. There is no talking to others while at the retreat. Your time is spent on reflection, mediation and yoga. I have work to do – on myself!

Arrival

I’m taken around and introduced to everything. I arrive at the end of lunchtime but I choose not to eat due to not being hungry.

It is humid and there is no AC/fans and I start my never ending journey of sweat.

I share my room with a wasp family. They live around the window and come in and out as I leave the door open. I contemplate reporting it to the staff but I let them be as they keep their distance for now.

I head to the lodge to look around. I reference a book provided by the retreat concoct my own healing tea since I’m still fighting a cold I picked up in Cambodia. All the necessarily herbs and roots and readily available.

There is a library upstairs with a reading area. I “check out” a book for my time at the retreat. The book I choose is by an author I have enjoyed in the past. I love reading so this is how I will spend my down time. I think I can keep quiet but it will be hard to keep away from the internet. I do get a slight signal on my phone but I limit my time to checking in with family to let them know I am ok.

We are also given a booklet and encouraged to journal so I will use that to capture my reflections the best I can.

Sleep Night One

You are encouraged to rest with the sun which is quite early. There is no power in the rooms except a limited solar powered light system. Luckily there is a reading light in the room. Not sure what time I did end up falling asleep but it couldn’t of been much past nine. I did use the mosquito net the best I could but mosquitoes have not been too bad of a problem so far (could be because the lack of rain lately). I wake up frequently, sometimes to go to the bathroom but I fall back asleep. I am very self-conscious of my snoring (part of the reason why I won’t stay in dorm hostels anymore). I booked a special bottom-level room specifically for this reason (the top rooms are open aired) but I still feel bad because the side walls are thin and there is a small window open to outside at all times. However I am delighted to discover during one of my wake ups that my neighbor is snoring. I am not alone!!!