Bali Silent Retreat Final day

I actually hear the first gong this morning, my last morning. I have a weird dream about a kitten that was actually a baby tiger that ended up destroying my house …. not gonna read into that now.

After all the sweating for the past couple days I actually am a little chilly last night. But I’m not complaining because I love a little chill.

My arms are sore today – maybe it is maneuvering around rocks or yoga yesterday. I don’t plan on doing any yoga or meditation today since I am just preparing to leave. As I write this I hear Balinese music off in the distance.

As the sun comes up it doesn’t take me long to start sweating again. The sun is out and it is hot. I’m looking forward to drinking caffeine in air-conditioning.

Breakfast is amazing of course. I engorge since it might be a while until I am able to eat lunch. The sourdough bread is delicious as always as well as numerous vegetables and fruit things that I cannot recall the names of. The food is really worth the price. I only wish there was coffee.

I finish my book before I leave and return it to the library upstairs.

So what did I get out of all of this?

I don’t know.

I certainly don’t immediately feel any major healing but I do have some pretty good tools to take for when I return home (to use to heal on my own).

Also once home I really want to find every vegan restaurant and try all the dishes; but I think that I’ll be disappointed because quite frankly the food at this retreat is pretty awesome. I have never had anything quite like it.

Perhaps I need more time here. Hopefully I can return someday.

Now off to my surf retreat…..my ride should arrive soon…..

Bali Silent Retreat Day 3

The wasps want in their room. I’ve been keeping the door to my room closed and I can tell they are annoyed.

I again miss the first gong and wake to people stirring. It doesn’t matter though since I’m skipping morning meditation today since I want to attend the afternoon session instead. I do attend yoga and there is a different instructor that I find more challenging. Even some of her “easy” poses I struggle with. I feel defeated when she performs a stand up from sitting move that the whole class can do except for me. The move is supposed to be a sign of good health. It makes me poo all the progress I’ve made. I still feel fat, I still feel ill. Not much seemed to change over these months. I’m losing my patience. Will I always be this mess of a person? She does say one thing that resonates: “breathe through the discomfort”… so for now I just keep breathing.

After yoga it is breakfast and then a trip to the hot springs. It is early and there are not many people at the springs. I start at the rocks at the river below and I find it really hard to navigate the rocks to get to the springs in the perfect spot. However once I get to my spot it is worth it. If feels good on a tired body to have cold water rush over you. It is futile to try to move to a better spot because no new spots will compare to the perfectness of the spot I just left. I finally take some time to be in the moment and enjoy it. After a little while I decide it’s time to try the hot pools. I didn’t love any of them. All felt dirty. There is a regular pool the top with some running water that I used for water meditation . “I deserve love. I deserve love.” was my mantra. I gave myself meditation love hugs. It is tough to believe I deserve love after feeling unloved for so long. Is this how it all works?

Return to retreat

I am back at the retreat after a nice few hours at the springs. In the afternoon I attend meditation that is a guided meditation that takes you through the 7 chakras. I did pretty well during this meditation except for there are two chakra colors that I struggled with and I believe those were the orange and green corresponding to the lower abdomen and heart respectively. When I read about why those are blocked it kind of makes sense the way my life has been the last 5 years (heck maybe last 10 years). I still have work to do when I get home.

I do doze off during some silent moments but wake myself up before the snoring gets bad.

After meditation I finish exploring the retreat and spend some time at the medicinal garden. I love gardens.

I also observe other areas on site.

I also visit the water meditation area.

One more peaceful night then I am off to my next adventure.

Bali Silent Retreat Day 2

We are given a warning gong in the morning to wake up and another to signify the start of meditation in the morning.

It is my first morning at the retreat and I missed the first gong – I must’ve slept through it. I hear the neighbors stirring and I don’t have much time until the second round goes off. I contemplate skipping meditation because it is 40 minutes long and I really don’t know what I’m doing but I go anyway. I never got around to buying yoga pants during my travels and show up in my PJ shorts and T-shirts. My attire seems to work out ok. Meditation is challenging since it has been a long while since I have last attempted meditating. During the class I sit there and pretty much do my own thing and I guess that is fine.

Next is yoga right after the meditation. I think about skipping out on that too but I stuck around. Luckily all the poses I have done before for the most part (Sun salutations, warrior poses). However I am out of shape so the poses are challenging enough. I sweat like a pig. There are no fans and no AC so it’s not the greatest for me. I run back to my room and shower before breakfast.

Breakfast is amazing especially the sourdough bread they provide every day however there is no coffee. How did I not notice that there would be no coffee or caffeine for three days? I’m going to die. I start looking at maps to see if there are any local coffee shops. It appears that there is nothing nearby. There is an optional temple tour coming up today so I table the issue. Maybe I’ll find Coffee near the temple. Except during our temple outing I left my money in the locker in the ashram🙁. It doesn’t matter since there was no where to buy coffee anyway.

We go to a temple where we see them prepare offerings. So much work goes into making little baskets and such.

Batu Karu temple

Temples

I come back from the temple tour and eat all the delicious lunch. I wish I would have taken a picture of the spread but I respected their wishes and kept my phone out of the kitchen.

The rest the afternoon is spent wandering the retreat, resting, writing in the journal and reading.

I read some more in the lodge until it darkens. I walk back to my room and prepare for bed. I hear some noises from around: talking in the distance, kids playing, birds, bugs, and some evil geckos. The water usage from the rooms around me seem to echo loudly in mine but I try to pay it no mind. I fall asleep soon enough.

Bali Silent Retreat Day 1

I am still fighting the cold I acquired in Cambodia but it seems to getting slightly better. A car is arriving at my hotel to drive me to my yoga silent retreat at Bali Silent Retreat. I am spending the next three nights in silence. There is no talking to others while at the retreat. Your time is spent on reflection, mediation and yoga. I have work to do – on myself!

Arrival

I’m taken around and introduced to everything. I arrive at the end of lunchtime but I choose not to eat due to not being hungry.

It is humid and there is no AC/fans and I start my never ending journey of sweat.

I share my room with a wasp family. They live around the window and come in and out as I leave the door open. I contemplate reporting it to the staff but I let them be as they keep their distance for now.

I head to the lodge to look around. I reference a book provided by the retreat concoct my own healing tea since I’m still fighting a cold I picked up in Cambodia. All the necessarily herbs and roots and readily available.

There is a library upstairs with a reading area. I “check out” a book for my time at the retreat. The book I choose is by an author I have enjoyed in the past. I love reading so this is how I will spend my down time. I think I can keep quiet but it will be hard to keep away from the internet. I do get a slight signal on my phone but I limit my time to checking in with family to let them know I am ok.

We are also given a booklet and encouraged to journal so I will use that to capture my reflections the best I can.

Sleep Night One

You are encouraged to rest with the sun which is quite early. There is no power in the rooms except a limited solar powered light system. Luckily there is a reading light in the room. Not sure what time I did end up falling asleep but it couldn’t of been much past nine. I did use the mosquito net the best I could but mosquitoes have not been too bad of a problem so far (could be because the lack of rain lately). I wake up frequently, sometimes to go to the bathroom but I fall back asleep. I am very self-conscious of my snoring (part of the reason why I won’t stay in dorm hostels anymore). I booked a special bottom-level room specifically for this reason (the top rooms are open aired) but I still feel bad because the side walls are thin and there is a small window open to outside at all times. However I am delighted to discover during one of my wake ups that my neighbor is snoring. I am not alone!!!