Bali Silent Retreat Day 3

The wasps want in their room. I’ve been keeping the door to my room closed and I can tell they are annoyed.

I again miss the first gong and wake to people stirring. It doesn’t matter though since I’m skipping morning meditation today since I want to attend the afternoon session instead. I do attend yoga and there is a different instructor that I find more challenging. Even some of her “easy” poses I struggle with. I feel defeated when she performs a stand up from sitting move that the whole class can do except for me. The move is supposed to be a sign of good health. It makes me poo all the progress I’ve made. I still feel fat, I still feel ill. Not much seemed to change over these months. I’m losing my patience. Will I always be this mess of a person? She does say one thing that resonates: “breathe through the discomfort”… so for now I just keep breathing.

After yoga it is breakfast and then a trip to the hot springs. It is early and there are not many people at the springs. I start at the rocks at the river below and I find it really hard to navigate the rocks to get to the springs in the perfect spot. However once I get to my spot it is worth it. If feels good on a tired body to have cold water rush over you. It is futile to try to move to a better spot because no new spots will compare to the perfectness of the spot I just left. I finally take some time to be in the moment and enjoy it. After a little while I decide it’s time to try the hot pools. I didn’t love any of them. All felt dirty. There is a regular pool the top with some running water that I used for water meditation . “I deserve love. I deserve love.” was my mantra. I gave myself meditation love hugs. It is tough to believe I deserve love after feeling unloved for so long. Is this how it all works?

Return to retreat

I am back at the retreat after a nice few hours at the springs. In the afternoon I attend meditation that is a guided meditation that takes you through the 7 chakras. I did pretty well during this meditation except for there are two chakra colors that I struggled with and I believe those were the orange and green corresponding to the lower abdomen and heart respectively. When I read about why those are blocked it kind of makes sense the way my life has been the last 5 years (heck maybe last 10 years). I still have work to do when I get home.

I do doze off during some silent moments but wake myself up before the snoring gets bad.

After meditation I finish exploring the retreat and spend some time at the medicinal garden. I love gardens.

I also observe other areas on site.

I also visit the water meditation area.

One more peaceful night then I am off to my next adventure.

Bali Silent Retreat Day 2

We are given a warning gong in the morning to wake up and another to signify the start of meditation in the morning.

It is my first morning at the retreat and I missed the first gong – I must’ve slept through it. I hear the neighbors stirring and I don’t have much time until the second round goes off. I contemplate skipping meditation because it is 40 minutes long and I really don’t know what I’m doing but I go anyway. I never got around to buying yoga pants during my travels and show up in my PJ shorts and T-shirts. My attire seems to work out ok. Meditation is challenging since it has been a long while since I have last attempted meditating. During the class I sit there and pretty much do my own thing and I guess that is fine.

Next is yoga right after the meditation. I think about skipping out on that too but I stuck around. Luckily all the poses I have done before for the most part (Sun salutations, warrior poses). However I am out of shape so the poses are challenging enough. I sweat like a pig. There are no fans and no AC so it’s not the greatest for me. I run back to my room and shower before breakfast.

Breakfast is amazing especially the sourdough bread they provide every day however there is no coffee. How did I not notice that there would be no coffee or caffeine for three days? I’m going to die. I start looking at maps to see if there are any local coffee shops. It appears that there is nothing nearby. There is an optional temple tour coming up today so I table the issue. Maybe I’ll find Coffee near the temple. Except during our temple outing I left my money in the locker in the ashram🙁. It doesn’t matter since there was no where to buy coffee anyway.

We go to a temple where we see them prepare offerings. So much work goes into making little baskets and such.

Batu Karu temple

Temples

I come back from the temple tour and eat all the delicious lunch. I wish I would have taken a picture of the spread but I respected their wishes and kept my phone out of the kitchen.

The rest the afternoon is spent wandering the retreat, resting, writing in the journal and reading.

I read some more in the lodge until it darkens. I walk back to my room and prepare for bed. I hear some noises from around: talking in the distance, kids playing, birds, bugs, and some evil geckos. The water usage from the rooms around me seem to echo loudly in mine but I try to pay it no mind. I fall asleep soon enough.

Bali Silent Retreat Day 1

I am still fighting the cold I acquired in Cambodia but it seems to getting slightly better. A car is arriving at my hotel to drive me to my yoga silent retreat at Bali Silent Retreat. I am spending the next three nights in silence. There is no talking to others while at the retreat. Your time is spent on reflection, mediation and yoga. I have work to do – on myself!

Arrival

I’m taken around and introduced to everything. I arrive at the end of lunchtime but I choose not to eat due to not being hungry.

It is humid and there is no AC/fans and I start my never ending journey of sweat.

I share my room with a wasp family. They live around the window and come in and out as I leave the door open. I contemplate reporting it to the staff but I let them be as they keep their distance for now.

I head to the lodge to look around. I reference a book provided by the retreat concoct my own healing tea since I’m still fighting a cold I picked up in Cambodia. All the necessarily herbs and roots and readily available.

There is a library upstairs with a reading area. I “check out” a book for my time at the retreat. The book I choose is by an author I have enjoyed in the past. I love reading so this is how I will spend my down time. I think I can keep quiet but it will be hard to keep away from the internet. I do get a slight signal on my phone but I limit my time to checking in with family to let them know I am ok.

We are also given a booklet and encouraged to journal so I will use that to capture my reflections the best I can.

Sleep Night One

You are encouraged to rest with the sun which is quite early. There is no power in the rooms except a limited solar powered light system. Luckily there is a reading light in the room. Not sure what time I did end up falling asleep but it couldn’t of been much past nine. I did use the mosquito net the best I could but mosquitoes have not been too bad of a problem so far (could be because the lack of rain lately). I wake up frequently, sometimes to go to the bathroom but I fall back asleep. I am very self-conscious of my snoring (part of the reason why I won’t stay in dorm hostels anymore). I booked a special bottom-level room specifically for this reason (the top rooms are open aired) but I still feel bad because the side walls are thin and there is a small window open to outside at all times. However I am delighted to discover during one of my wake ups that my neighbor is snoring. I am not alone!!!