I am heading to Bali. My arrival is uneventful and I have a car coming to pick me up. No one asks me for proof of vaccination. The world is healed I guess.
My plans for Lombok and the Gillis didn’t work out as planned so I at the last minute I joined a surf and yoga retreat for 8 days in Canggu (pronounced Chawn-gu not can-ju like I keep erroneously saying). I had tried surfing once before in Bali but the way things worked out I only had one real day of surfing and that was not enough. This time I am staying longer where I get 5 days of surfing lessons. Hopefully by the end I’ll be an official surfer right?
The retreat I am at was on my radar years ago when I came to Bali. I didn’t choose it because the fine print of the retreat has some wording about warning if you can’t keep up with the group or something about holding back others from their lessons. I felt like I wasn’t strong enough and I didn’t want to be a burden so I picked another retreat. This time around I am older, in worse shape, and the wording is still there. The difference is I don’t care anymore. I am going to pay my money and try anyway. I still sort of care what people think about me but maybe not as much as I did before.
This trip is for multiple reasons: to work on bucket list travel, get travel out of my system before returning to work, get out of my comfort zone, and heal. Today I had the feeling of being trapped. That is a scary sensation for me. Most of my life I have felt trapped in one way or another: rocky childhood, trapped by my emotions, trapped by family, trapped by marriage, and trapped by work. For probably the first time in my entire life I don’t feel trapped the majority of the time. In the past it may have been valid but now when it comes it is an irrational fear. Today I arrive at my retreat that I hastily booked and I feel trapped. I am far from town and I feel a little trapped at my location, not unlike my experience at my Silent Retreat a couple years ago (Note: I signed up for the Silent retreat again so there will be an update on how that goes).
Anyway it is just anxiety and the fear of the unknown. I am starting surf lessons again tomorrow. I tried once before and I could have done better. Now I am three years older and less in shape so there is a ton of anxiety around the activity. No sense in worrying about it before there is anything to worry about.
Tomorrow I wake up for breakfast at 6:30 for surf lesson at 7. I have a massage booked at 10:45 (part of my package), lunch at 12 and yoga at 4 (also part of my package). I may head into town for dinner. They run one nightly shuttle at 5:45 on weekdays. Unfortunately it is too far to walk to town otherwise I would use that option instead.
Surf lesson 1
5 of us head out to the beach for our surf lessons varying by skill level. Jack Johnson plays while the windows are down. Jack Johnson must be universal surfer music . I am nervous since this is only my second time trying (first time). I have no idea why I never tried surfing when I was younger. Today wasn’t much better than my first attempt. I bail out of the lesson a little early. I didn’t want to kill my shoulders on the first day when I have 4 more days to try. I am pretty good at riding a wave on my knees though. Just need to learn to stand and balance. Today’s lesson started late due to high tide. Luckily I still get back in time for my massage. I think I am going to need it. At this rate I am not going into town tonight. I think snack and early bed time is in order.
Today I am reminded about what I miss now that I no longer stay in hostels. Just to catch you up I am old as can be now, I need good sleep on a regular basis so sharing a room is no longer an option. I need my downtime, I need my alone time. I typically stay in boutique hotels, budget hotels, or any other unique lodging. On a rare occasion I can find a hostel with private rooms I will book it but they tend to be moldy and my sinuses can only handle so much of that. Here at the retreat where I am staying there are good number of women; I guess all lacking the social anxiety that I have so I am meeting lots of nice people. Everyone seems much younger than I but very nice. I’m going to hold off for now telling everyone how old I actually am because at some point do I become the weird old woman? I can’t help that I tend to get involved in activities that young people like to do like this surf retreat. Anyway I’ve already been invited for some weekend snorkeling since we have the weekend off of planned activities. I am hesitant to go but I have to remember there are so many things I don’t do because I’m solo. I should take every opportunity I can to do things with others.
Yoga went better than anticipated. Yes there is lots of sweating and moves I flat out can’t do but that’s normal for me. A good portion of it I could do good enough. I guess I have some muscle memory with yoga. Today is supposed to be the “hard” yoga day. I am glad I got that out of the way.
Tomorrow it looks like I get a solo surf lesson. They are taking me to an easier place. The current and waves are strong where we are today so it takes a good amount of power just to stay out on the water. I am happy that they are chill about my skill level. At the end of all this I may find that surfing is not my thing but I have to give it a try.
Growing With Leala 